{So Much} Jane and Eugene: He hears my heart.

Our devotions last night made me cry. Now let’s be honest here, I can cry at pretty much anything nowadays. When I was younger, I absolutely abhorred the idea of crying in front of people. I once broke the growth plate in my ankle in 7th grade at a basketball game and still didn’t cry because there was a crowd of people watching. Fast-forward to my junior year of high school when a close friend of mine died in a car accident, I cried in front of the entire high school giving a speech, and… it was fine. So now, I cry all the time – at good things and at bad things. I don’t love crying at all, it just happens – I’m sensitive, care a lot about people, have a huge heart that breaks easily {especially at this broken world}, and am the harshest self-critic, so crying just follows all that naturally.

Anyway, back to the point. This past year and a half, Eugene & I have faced lots of unexpected challenges & huge decisions, and more & more I’ve found myself unable to pray…just sitting in my car, crying, hoping in the back of my head that God hears my heart through my tears. I have felt somewhat inadequate for crying rather than praying, but no more because last night’s devotion reminded me that God loves us so much, and even our tears, sighs, groans speak to Him.

Our devotions are from this book & the parts below were especially moving to me…

Often a poor brokenhearted soul bends his knees in prayer but can only utter his cries in the language of sighing and tears. Yet his groaning has made all the harps of heaven burst into song and his falling tears have been caught by God and placed as treasure in the teardrop bottle of heaven. “You put my tears in your bottle” (Ps. 56:8 ESV)…wherever there is a heart swollen with sorrow, or a lip quivering in agony, or deep groans, or repentant sighs; the heart of Jehovah is open. He registers each one in the journal of His memory, putting our prayers like rose petals between the pages of His book of remembrance. And when that book is finally opened, a precious fragrance will arise from it.

“Prayer is the uplifting of an eye, prayer is the falling of a tea, prayer is the outdarting of an arm as if it would snatch a blessing from on high. You do not need long sentences, intricate expressions, elaborate and innumerable phrases; a look may be a battle half won….Live in the spirit of prayer, let your life be one grand desire, Godward and heavenward, then use as many words or as few as you please, your heart is itself a prayer, and your look a holy expectation. [excerpt from The People’s Bible: Discourses upon Holy Scripture]”

God overwhelms me. And I’ve come to realize that what I find most amazing about Him, is also what I find most difficult to grasp about Him. He is all-powerful, all-loving, all-encompassing, all I’ll ever need. So I’ll cry away, sigh away, groan away, laugh away & rest in knowing that He hears it all.