So how’s it going?

I get this question a lot, and usually I answer with the generic, “Really well, thanks!” But for memory’s sake, I want to write out a bit more details on this pregnancy so far…

How far along are you?

15 weeks and into the second trimester

What symptoms did you experience?

The first two months, my strongest symptom was dizziness. I struggled to stand up and walk at the very beginning, especially when I stood up after sleeping or laying down. I never threw up, but I hate to throw up, so I probably could have easily thrown up, but I wouldn’t let myself. I was nauseous, but I found that as long as I kept something in my stomach at all times I did okay. The “worst” time I experienced was always my 40 minute drive to work. Even though I was driving, I still somehow got carsick every morning…especially if it was raining. So sick! I mainly just felt like someone ran me over with a truck everyday. {Which is why I didn’t attempt to do any house projects, or anything for that matter!} Like I said a while back though, every symptom was a huge blessing to me. I was so thankful to feel sick and dizzy because it was reassurance that the baby was growing and my body was giving to meet the needs of the baby.

{This is a view of the baby from the side. Feet pressed up against me.
You can see that he or she is possibly sucking a thumb or finger.}

Do you have any cravings?

I don’t know if they’re cravings, or just the fact that when I find some food that actually sounds good and not gross to me, I want to eat it. Either way, yes, I’ve had some unusual cravings. I mentioned my first craving – a friend fish sandwich – which is still the weirdest one yet. I’ve craved nacho dip, sausage gravy and biscuits, the stereotypical pickles {no lie}, and Cheetos, and most often {unfortunately} McDonald’s double cheeseburgers. Ew. I am a total sweet junkie, but since being pregnant, I’ve had zero desire for sweets. Zero. And it’s so strange to me to see chocolate and not want to gobble it up!

{This is a slightly creepy view of the baby looking straight on
with a cute round belly and arms up by his or her head}

How has your miscarriage effected this pregnancy?

This was huge for me. My first trimester was very hard emotionally. I struggled to connect with this baby, whereas the first pregnancy I was instantly and deeply bonded. I think I just subconsciously {or consciously} protected myself with this. I struggled to not worry every minute that I was going to lose this baby too. I had some bleeding at 6 weeks {same time I had my first miscarriage}, and it was another terrible and terrifying 24 hours while we waited to get into the doctor to see if I was miscarrying again. I struggled to share the news with people out of fear that I might lose the baby and have to tell everyone. And I struggled to let myself believe that it was actually happening, that I was actually pregnant. I am keeping a journal for this baby, and so many of the entries for the first three months are all about fear. I’m doing way better now, and each day I prayed to God that I trusted Him and His will for our family. Trusting Him and letting go of my fear was a daily challenge for me {and still is}, but with each day that I give my fear to God my faith gets bigger and my bond with my baby gets stronger.

Have you seen the baby on an ultrasound?

I got an ultrasound at 6 weeks {I thought I was only 5 weeks} which is earlier than most get ultrasounds – I assume my doctor had me get this because of the previous miscarriage. At this point, the baby looked like a blob, no head or anything, but somehow God amazingly formed a beating heart for this tiny being. I also had another ultrasound at 12 weeks for the prescreening for the genetic diseases like Downs Syndrome. The baby looked like a real baby and was rolling over a ton, which was so awesome to watch. Eugene got to be there for both ultrasounds, wondrous thing. All the photos in this post are from the 12 week ultrasound.

{The baby is face down with one arm and one leg showing. I think
this one shows the amazingness of God. All those tiny bones making
up his or her spine…despite the fact that the baby is only 3 inches. God is impressive.}

Have you made any plans/decisions about things for the baby?

Yep, a few. I get overwhelmed when I think too much about all there is to do, but so far I have a pretty good idea of how to decorate the baby’s room. I plan to go with cloth diapers {like my sister}, I pray I can breastfeed, and {if possible} have a natural birth. Eugene & I would love for me to stay at home when the baby comes {which is a big reason why we bought this house}, but we’re still working out budgets and, more importantly, we’re still praying for God to help us make this decision.

{This is a view from the top of the head. Again, the had is close
to his or her mouth, maybe sucking a thumb or finger. :)}

Are you going to find out if it’s a boy or girl?

Sure are. And we’ll share that too.

What about a name?

We have a few ideas, but we certainly haven’t made the final decision yet. We’re struggling more with girl names than boys, so feel free to send suggestions! I really like names that are not popular. Eugene & I have decided that we’re not going to share the name with anyone until the baby arrives. I’m looking forward to surprising people on that great day!

{My favorite. Beautiful profile of my baby’s face.}

Any other details about the pregnancy so far?

I’ve had a lot of round ligament pain {stretching to make room for the baby!} I’ve eaten like a pig…and nonstop. Big appetite here. I can still fit into a couple pairs of my jeans, but for the most part, I’m wearing pants that are a size or two larger than normal or one pair of maternity pants that my sister loaned me.

I am pretty sure that I can feel the baby move already. I realize that all the websites and books say that first time mom’s typically don’t feel the baby until closer to 19 weeks, but I’m almost 99% sure it’s the baby I feel. I felt it first last week. When I’m walking or moving around a ton, usually at work, and then I sit down and stay really still, I can feel what feels like tiny bubbles popping in my lower abdomen. I also feel something like soft fingertips tapping on me ever so lightly. And lastly, I can feel a sweeping motion {maybe the baby turning over?} It’s only for a few seconds right after I sit down from moving a lot, but I really think it’s the baby. :)

I feel like I end every post about this pregnancy with this phrase, but it’s true. It’s all I can think, having lost one baby and knowing that God has graciously given us another blessing and opportunity…

God is so good.