Mixed emotions.

This is my first Mother’s Day with my baby in my arms. Three years ago on Mother’s Day, I was aching with months after months of infertility and praying with all my heart that God would bless us with a baby. Two years ago, I was absolutely heartbroken over a miscarriage I suffered two months prior to Mother’s Day. One year ago, I was 8 months pregnant and so anxious to meet my baby and know that she was going to be okay. And today, my eyes well up with tears at the thought of this spunky, joyful little girl that God has blessed me with.

Becoming a mother has been life-changing, eye-opening, and heart-filling. So on what most would consider my “first” Mother’s Day, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and happy thoughts. However, I consider this my third Mother’s Day, and the emotions from that first Mother’s Day are still very raw and real. I miss my first baby. I miss that child from the depths of my soul so deeply I can’t even explain it to someone who has never miscarried. I still remember the aching pain of that Mother’s Day, along with the Mother’s Day before when I wondered if I’d ever be blessed with a child of my own.

The fact is, Mother’s Day is hard for a lot of people. My heart hurts for so many around me who lost their mother when it seems that there’re are still way too many memories that should have been shared and made, women who are forced to be a single mother and bear all the responsibility while struggling to make ends meet, women who long so desperately just to become a mother, people who have to continue on living somehow after losing their child. Mother’s Day is hard.

Today my heart is both heavy and joyful. I will be purposeful to think of the lovely {Philippians 4:8} and soak up every second with my little one, remember the loss of my little one, and pray for those who are hurting this Mother’s Day.

I am blessed beyond measure this Mother’s Day.